It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
