32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
