it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
