I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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