Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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