you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
