Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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