Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
