I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He did a backflip because drugs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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