hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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