Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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