my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
