Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
