I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
