I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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