In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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