i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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