just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
