That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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