If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i need an iv and a liver transplant
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
