Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
