There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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