you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
