I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
