Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
