Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
