You're so nebulous sometimes
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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