i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
