need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
