I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
