The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
