when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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