dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
