my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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