I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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