I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
NoShamevember. You game?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
