I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
