i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
