dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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