he thought i was a dude.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
