I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
