My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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