i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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