i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
