dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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