put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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