What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's shark week go big or go home
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
