I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
