booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
