so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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