a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
