You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
