Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
