Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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