Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
