Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
