There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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