low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
