That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
