I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You can't motorboat a personality
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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