So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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