just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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