She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Green mimosas i think yes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
