But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
